“The key to change… is to let go of fear.” – Rosanne Cash

Many people who have been connected to me in social media will have noticed I took a social media vacation this last while.  Mainly to re-examine both my business and my life – I was fortunate to have [...]]]>

“The key to change… is to let go of fear.” – Rosanne Cash

Many people who have been connected to me in social media will have noticed I took a social media vacation this last while.  Mainly to re-examine both my business and my life – I was fortunate to have a friend who cared enough about me to offer me a lot of insight and spent the time to help me examination things pretty closely.  Mostly, he made me look at myself and accept things I was not aware I was doing, saying and being.  Facing some of it has been hard.

This year has been a year of purpose for me, focusing on family and gaining insight about my future direction.  It has also given me some time to re-examine the grand plan for both the business and my own direction and a number of themes have emerged.

• Purpose
• Authenticity
• Being with people
• Asking for help
• Letting go
• And my own valuation

I suppose I’m going through much of what any entrepreneur goes through when they find themselves on a road they never started out on and have lost their map.  But it is much more than that.  I have changed, my intentions for my purpose have been lost, and with that comes the awareness a great transition is necessary to right this wobbling boat.

Over the next few months I will be making changes to the business and to my life to get onto a path that is more in keeping with my own truth and talents, and be able to serve others more effectively and authentically.  I will be creating the means to be more centered, more focused in a smaller, tighter package in order to remain true to myself personally and the reason I got into business in the first place – and I will be working to remain true to my family.  I will be putting on the brakes with a few things, and it has been a very messy journey of processing and a filtering of thoughts, beliefs and ideas, but I guess transition can be messy – well, it has been this time.

I intend to share as things move forward, especially those changes which impact clients, readers, followers and anyone who might wander onto this blog with an interest.

This is more of a life-shift and each of the themes above will be driving forces in re-setting the direction.

In taking the quiet time I needed to work through all of the examination I shared with this friend, I have discovered crazy insecurities I thought were long past, renewed a sense of self and I have rediscovered purpose.

I am significantly impacted by this, and by the very personal experiences I have gone through over the last year while sitting in the side-car of my mother’s health journey.  It is my hope I can offer a little more of the authentic Patti and avoid needing such intense privacy.  It is also my hope that in not keeping my faults and struggles so private, I can better serve my purpose and the many people I value so dearly.

For your support and readership, I am ever grateful.

-Patti

Make it Grand!

Patti Blackstaffe works with people and organizations to develop

Happy Workplaces world-wide guiding them toward mastery and leadership

through consulting, advising, coaching, speaking, and delivering training.

You can reach Patti at 1-855-968-5323 | contact her here | book her to speak

And I have been absent.  By the team or the client, absence is sometimes misconstrued as your having dumped people and responsibilities without out care or concern for their well-being, even when the absence has been unplanned and  impossible [...]]]> In work as in life, being present is not always possible…

And I have been absent.  By the team or the client, absence is sometimes misconstrued as your having dumped people and responsibilities without out care or concern for their well-being, even when the absence has been unplanned and  impossible to manage.  Life throws some pretty big hits at people sometimes and when it does you’ll tend to do a resetting of priorities.  Not everyone will like them, not everyone will be on your side with them, and some priorities may cause you to be absent in your role as leader.  When this happens, the team members and clients are not the only ones affected.   For an often engaged leader, the one folks depend on and have trusted, absence eats at their very heart more than the team or client will ever understand.

Life is about priorities…

We set priorities every day and our grown-up choices cannot always follow our dreams and desires.  Parents quit their jobs to take care of ailing children, people leave big corporate to focus on community, folks take on the care of a sick parent and these are just a few of the life-changing priorities that may come into a person’s life.  No matter what the choice is, all choices are good because they are yours.  Some are influenced by tragedy, some by desire and yet others by love, either way a person’s priorities land front and center and can leave others feeling abandoned.

Not everyone will like it…

Any time you reset your priorities, it’s going to shake up the lives of those around you.  People to whom you were once freely available will feel hurt, people who depended on you for your old priority will be frustrated and others will feel your absence has eroded their trust.  The best you can do is try to explain and hope they compassionately empathize with your moment in time, and when that is not good enough, the best you can do is stand firm knowing you are doing the right thing for you.

It’s just  the right thing to do…

Does it make you a bad leader?  It can in the eyes of a team member or two, perhaps.  The thing is, when people are hit by a reset of priorities, when life has offered them a chance to do the right thing for one person it might be the wrong thing for another.  Off and on over the last year I have been blessed to spend some time helping my mother who has been very ill.  Our loving, caring family have almost lost her 4 times, it has been a wild roller coaster ride of fear, love, sadness, promise, tears, hope and finally elation that she is now gaining strength.  In that time some things have fallen through the cracks, my reputation for being always on, always available and provide a fast turn around may need to be rebuilt…but…

I’ve no regrets…

This priority reset is opportunity to honour the parents I love, by using the flexibility life has afforded me as an entrepreneur to be able to provide a little assistance.  I do not and never will regret this choice.  I can only hope that as things begin to settle down and life starts to return to what will be the new normal that those people I have been open and available to in the past will understand.  In return, I will understand that each of them must meet their own priorities and if they are absent upon my return, it is because they are honouring their own lives, and that is all anyone can ask of another.

Just many thanks!

To those of you who have prayed, sent messages of kindness and who have continued to understand, I am in deep appreciation for your role in my life.  Whether friend, client, team member, family, or acquaintance – your part in helping me stand by this priority has allowed me to focus on two people who have made my life what it is, my parents.   

Thank you.

In work as in life, being present is not always possible…Life is about priorities…Not everyone will like it…It’s just  the right thing to do…I’ve no regrets…Just many thanks!

Patti Blackstaffe works with people and organizations to develop

Happy Workplaces world-wide guiding them toward mastery and leadership

through consulting, advising, coaching, speaking, and delivering training.

You can reach Patti at 1-855-968-5323 | contact her here | book her to speak

Business consultants tell entrepreneurs to know their exit plan, and many focus on a merger or acquisition market as they build their businesses.  This is especially true in the technology or engineering space, where valuations are done of a technology which may be attractive to larger firms [...]]]> …When Cultures Collide in Mergers and Acquisitions

Business consultants tell entrepreneurs to know their exit plan, and many focus on a merger or acquisition market as they build their businesses.  This is especially true in the technology or engineering space, where valuations are done of a technology which may be attractive to larger firms looking to grow their offering.

When a valuation is being performed on a company prior to merging or acquiring it, that valuation is usually based solely on the financial side of the business.  A careful calculation of the assets and liabilities, the varied business market, the intangible assets like trademarks or patents, financial reporting and more.  A company does their homework before any merger or acquisition, and typically if a sale goes through, they feel confident they’ve made the right move.

But there is one thing that is rarely done… and that is a careful study of the differences between the company cultures.  Culture is about shared attitudes, values, goals and practices that make up the “personality” of a given company.  Personalities are important.  Imagine, if you will, two people discussing getting married and they both have children and homes.

Of course ‘marriage is of the heart and this is business’, you say?

Well, two companies coming together needs to be treated like a marriage.  If you were considering marrying someone, you do need to consider your partner’s financial health and see if it matches yours, but is that all you would look at?  I would think you should see if there is compatibility of the values, attitudes and practices.  How you raise your children and how they raise theirs may be so far removed from one another, you could be creating Armageddon rather than a loving, caring blended family.  It could be that you are sending a child or two on a run-away spree, or will be forever burdened by being the nasty, horrible and wicked step-parent no matter how hard you try.

image courtesy of Presentation-Process.com

This little analogy is very apropos for M&A (Mergers and Acquisitions) and cultural evaluations are starting to make headway in some M and A analysis of companies.  Why?

Because after you buy the company and by the time you ask a consultant to come in and help with the messy change management of the two cultures, it can be too late.

It is imperative the company buying takes a careful look at the culture of the company being purchased and consider this in their valuation.  A company purchasing a heavily creative and innovative group whose mandate it has been to focus on the customer may find their new family clashing with a process driven conglomerate whose focus is global spread and, trust me, that can be disastrous.  In fact, in technology, the key component to a wise purchase is in determining how to retain the knowledge held by the employees.  Your software is only as good as the people writing it, and you want them to stay.

I am not saying it cannot be done or to avoid the purchase, what I am saying is, you better already have a great plan in place for merging not only the technology or the company, but the cultures too.  Doing your homework needs to be holistic, not finance specific, know what pitfalls and roadblocks you will suffer if culture is left out of the equation, or that beautiful valuation sheet may very well be worth far less once the knowledge has walked out the door.

There are things you can do to prepare in advance:

• bring someone in who understands how to evaluate cultures and
• work at building a plan of action toward a healthy merger or acquisition, upfront.

It behoves you to do so, because business is of the heart, and shouldn’t be about wasting money or losing talent.

Patti Blackstaffe works with people and organizations to develop

Happy Workplaces world-wide guiding them toward mastery and leadership

through consulting, advising, coaching, speaking, and delivering training.

You can reach Patti at 1-855-968-5323 | contact her here | book her to speak

Your team doesn’t trust you.  Honestly.  They don’t.

Trust is key to effective working relationships; yet, as you climb the corporate ladder, trust seems harder to earn and easier to [...]]]> Today’s guest post is by Mike Figliuolo, the author of One Piece of Paper: The Simple Approach to Powerful, Personal Leadership. Here’s Mike:

Your team doesn’t trust you.  Honestly.  They don’t.

Trust is key to effective working relationships; yet, as you climb the corporate ladder, trust seems harder to earn and easier to lose.

What causes a team to not trust their leader? You. Yes, you. You’re unpredictable and your team doesn’t know what to expect from you. But, these are fixable problems.

Trust is about an ability to rely upon or expect a predictable outcome.  When you act in ways your team doesn’t expect, it erodes trust and makes them wonder what you’re going to do next.  If you want to get a sense for how much your people trust you, you can take this Trusted Leader Assessment online – it only takes 3-5 minutes and you’ll get a comprehensive analysis of your results after taking it.

If you can clearly lay out how your people can expect you to behave in a variety of situations, they’ll have a basic expectation upon which to build a foundation of trust.  These expectations have to be personal and meaningful enough to you that they guide your behavior.  I refer to these guiding principles as “leadership maxims” which are rules of behavior or conduct.  The collection of all your leadership maxims becomes your personal leadership philosophy.

Defining Your Leadership Philosophy

I encourage you as a leader to define your own set of leadership maxims.  They can be as simple as one of mine which is “What would Nana say?”  For reference, Nana was my grandmother.  I can use that maxim to guide my behavior.  When faced with difficult choices, I simply ask “what would Nana say?” and my choice becomes clear.  When I explain this maxim to my team, they’ll better understand how I make choices and they’ll see my behavior as consistent with this maxim.  It is this consistency that forms the basis of trust.

If you want to define a powerful leadership philosophy, here are a few steps to start with:

• Be yourself.  When you write your leadership philosophy, spare your team the corporate-speak and tell your personal story instead. They can spot a phony a mile away.
• Give in to emotion.  Articulate your leadership philosophy as a set of reminders of stories that have deep emotional meaning for you.  The reminders are touchstones to guide your behavior.  The stronger the emotions associated with the story, the more likely you are to change your behavior to be consistent with the lesson the story reminds you of.
• Lead yourself.  You have to know where you personally want to go in life and define your personal code of conduct before you can lead someone else.  Write down reminders of your code as part of your philosophy.
• Lead the thinking.  Your job is to set direction, challenge outdated thinking, and define standards.  Create reminders that force you to do these things on a regular basis – not only during the annual strategic planning process.
• Lead your people.  Get dirty. Know their jobs.  Know them as individuals – not as a box on an org chart or a job title.  When they know you care about them as a person, they’re much more willing to give you everything they’ve got.
• Lead a balanced life.  If you’re burned out, you’re worthless.  Set your boundaries and stick to them.  Let everyone else know what they are.  Balance applies to your work too – have enough work you love to do to balance out all the mindless tasks you don’t enjoy.  Again – create some simple yet personal guidelines that remind you make decisions that keep you in balance.
• Pull it all together.  Document all your reminders of how you want to behave on a single piece of paper.  Tack it up on your wall or carry it on a card in your wallet.  Having that simple reminder of your approach to leadership always within arm’s reach will help you live up to that standard every day.
• Share.  Tell people your personal story.  Share your triumphs and failures.  Help them understand the experiences that have made you who you are as a leader.  When you share, you help them understand you better.  That understanding and the vulnerability you demonstrate while sharing builds trust between you and your team members.

The Bottom Line

The sooner you commit your leadership philosophy to paper, the better off you are. Be sure it is personal, authentic, and free of jargon or buzzwords. Share it with your team. Live it every day. Help them see you’re really not that complex or unpredictable. Morale, productivity, and trust will all increase as a result.  Take the Trusted Leader Assessment to see where you stack up.  The results can make a big difference in helping you build trust with the members of your team.

Mike Figliuolo is the author of One Piece of Paper: The Simple Approach to Powerful, Personal Leadership.  He’s the managing director of thoughtLEADERS, LLC – a leadership development firm.  An Honor Graduate from West Point, he served in the U.S. Army as a combat arms officer. Before founding his own company, he was an assistant professor at Duke University, a consultant at McKinsey & Co., and an executive at Capital One and Scotts Miracle-Gro.  He regularly writes about leadership on the thoughtLEADERS Blog.

I purchased a cell phone at Future Shop in 2010.  This was already an expensive purchase because the previous cell [...]]]> Are cell phone warranties worth it?  Based on my personal experience, I don’t think so.  This is a customer service post, a little experiential story about my opinion on cell phone warranties…

I purchased a cell phone at Future Shop in 2010.  This was already an expensive purchase because the previous cell phone wasn’t working and the repair option was more expensive than the purchase option.  Due to this, I was talked into buying what the guy referred to as ‘insurance’ for my phone, Future Shop calls it a PEP (product exchange plan) Warranty.  Now, a year down the road I feel a bit misrepresented because I was under the understanding it could be cancelled (I just didn’t realize it had to be done within 14 days of purchase).

I’ve never needed the warranty; the phone never broke nor was it lost, nothing.  I did, however dislike that phone model immeasurably and finally contacted my service provider (different company) for an upgrade to a better phone at my own expense – not through Future Shop.  Thus, I am no longer using the phone for which the insurance policy was purchased and the phone is not being used by anyone.  I made the assumption that by no longer having that phone in service, the warranty could be cancelled. Let’s take a look at that warranty cost:

Cost of warranty to date: approx 125.88

Owing until warranty ends: approx 251.76

Total cost of warranty: 377.53

This is what I discovered today

• I can transfer the warranty to another phone, oh but wait, it must be one purchased from Future Shop.
• Warranties at Future Shop can NEVER be cancelled.

So, I get to receive a charge on my credit card every month for nothing, zippo.  I am receiving no service from it, there is no customer satisfaction because of it, and it feels rather slimy to realize that when a warranty is no longer needed or worth the money spent on it that there is no option but to pay it.  Apparently, it is a company policy to NEVER allow customers to cancel their warranties. I asked @FS_Connect on Twitter to better explain it by saying,

“@FS_Connect – what wise words can you use to explain no cancellations on warranties for cell phones no longer used? would luv to understand”

But so far they have chosen not to answer….perhaps they are looking into it???

I can cancel my life insurance policy, my home insurance policy, my car insurance policy.  I can stop paying for a lot of things when I no longer need them, but not this phone warranty.

A question comes to mind, is there a commission on these at the store level?  Is this why they are pushed so hard?  From the report in the next paragraph stores can gain as much as 50% the cost of the warranty by selling it to you.

Reading this post at the Financial Edge piqued my interest on warranties in general and I wish to add this; by the time a 3 year warranty is completed, pricing for many electronic items generally comes down and your total cost of a new one often equals or is less than that of the warranty costs already spent on the old one.

 I understand why cell phone service carriers require a locked in term for a new phone, it is because they are trading the price of a new phone at a discount and can afford to do that so long as you are tied into the plan they devise.  There is a give and take here, it costs them to offer free phones for a 3 year plan – they are giving you something in agreement for the deal and it makes sense.  When it comes to electronics in general, it is this author’s belief that a warranty is not worth the paper it is written on.  Technology is travelling at a rate where expecting 3 years for a cell phone is equivalent to expecting 25 years from a computer, so I have learned my lesson.

So, what exactly did I get for this warranty? $377.53 of ‘peace of mind’, oh but this comfort only covers a year, of course that was the year that the Manufacturer’s warranty covered so what did I really get?  A monthly visa charge.  The next two years I will see a credit card charge on my Visa for 10.49 a month and it will be a fantastic reminder of how unfortunate it is that Future shop has lost my business, (not to mention all other companies any possible warranty purchases).  You see, for the 251.76 out of that 377.53 I have no product or service coming my way, nothing will be exchanged, the insurance is moot.  In fact, I now carry a loss for which I cannot recoup, and unlike service provider terms, I can’t even buy myself out of this one.  I can only remind myself – buyer beware of all things warranty.

We are living in a new age, Future Shop – an age of customer experience and customer satisfaction.  I am on to the electronics warranties deal and now know this is where your electronic profits come from, and am happy to share the story with anyone and everyone who will listen.  Why? Because I feel having purchased a warranty is like having been talked into buying thin air.

Patti Blackstaffe works with people and organizations to develop

Happy Workplaces world-wide guiding them toward mastery and leadership

through advising, coaching, speaking, and delivering training.

You can reach Patti at 1-855-968-5323 | contact her here | book her to speak

He [...]]]> ”Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” –Aristotle

He nestled snug inside his cheap blanket, not quite heavy enough to keep him warm, trying to digest the mediocre meal that wanted to return for a second swallow.  He had a big day tomorrow, and he needed sleep to get through it.  It’s not easy work avoiding the right thing, cutting corners and skirting responsibility, he only hoped the car would get him there.  His oil had not been changed and his gas tank was sitting on empty, but he hoped he would have enough to make it to the parking lot.  If not, walking is okay if it would give him an excuse to go in late and avoid the meeting with the boss.  He pulled the blanket up higher trying to keep warm as he thought about how he chose not to pay the heat bill this month because he kept forgetting to put his check in the bank.  Stupid banks anyway, they just want to take it all out in charges.

Do you know this guy? I sure hope he isn’t you, because living in the world of mediocrity is like sitting in a stagnant pond.  You’re wet alright, but rather than being clean and cool you’re trapped in slimy mud with parasites and mosquitoes coming in for the kill!  Not a pretty picture.

Successful people-and we are talking about true success not the money grabbing, walk-all-over-the-next-guy kind of success – truly successful people are able to lay on their deathbed knowing they did the right thing for their families, their companies, their associates and friends – these guys don’t do mediocre they leave a legacy. (And they are missed when they go.)

The person who skims by barely doing anything more than what’s absolutely necessary to maintain status quo is the most challenging employee. That kind of person frequents the motto, “Meh, it’s good enough,” and chooses to live well below their amazing potential.

Sometimes I wonder what made them decide to keep from wanting to feel the pride and glory of a job well done or seeing the response from a client whose expectations are exceeded.  There many be many stories, most of us will never know what holds some folks back, but imagine what it would be like if everyone did their level best to treat every task as though it was the best thing they’d had the pleasure of doing this week.  Are you giving your all?  Are you working your hardest to avoid mediocrity?

You may not know it, but it is simply a choice!

Try it today, just decide you can, and then do.

Shun mediocrity and adopt an attitude of excellence then show everyone around you what you’re really made of.

”Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude.” –Ralph Marston

Patti Blackstaffe works with people and organizations to develop

Happy Workplaces world-wide guiding them toward mastery and leadership

through advising, coaching, speaking, and delivering training.

 

You can reach Patti at 1-855-968-5323 | contact her here | book her to speak

I know a person who has an opinion about everyone.  It is interesting and sometimes comedic to listen to because the focus is always about how others should speak, act, and live.  I find these opinions even more comedic because they come from someone who has a long way to go to [...]]]>  

I know a person who has an opinion about everyone.  It is interesting and sometimes comedic to listen to because the focus is always about how others should speak, act, and live.  I find these opinions even more comedic because they come from someone who has a long way to go to get their own life focused, but the attitude and comments are directed at people who are successful and contributing members of our society.  They don’t deserve criticism, but rather applause!

So be it, but what if this person practiced the art of allowing.  Dictionary.com describes my definition of allowing, thus;

…to permit something to happen or to exist…

To permit something to happen or exist – what a beautiful thought.  Today a tweet went by sent out by S. Max Brown and it said:

Imagine the productivity gains if we just treated each other better.

We hear people describe how they wish to be treated, but sometimes people fail to recognize a key component to relationships also depends upon how they treat others.  One large piece of the solution is found in the art of allowing.

Allowing is about not trying to change someone to be like you or perform for you.  It is about not having unrealistic selfish expectations about who they are to you, but rather finding out ‘their way’ of loving us, working with us and being a part of the team.

Allowing is about letting others fly their Freak Flag as Joe Gerstandt aptly describes in his talks, on twitter and every Friday on his blog.  Allowing is a two way activity.  Allowing is about being responsible in that you act according to the true you inside and respectfully allow others to do the same.

Many years ago I was describing to a wise friend what I needed from someone else and she told me;

“But it is not their way.”

This made me think long and hard about whom I decided the other person ‘should be’ while failing to appreciate who they actually are. And yes, even for someone who typically hurts people and needs to be avoided you have the opportunity to ‘allow’ them to be who they are, even if it means the solution is to stay far away.

You see, we have no power to change another, we can only change ourselves and our reaction to others.

What allowing is:

• Seeing the strengths and unique qualities that make the other person special.
• Letting the other person define their own dreams and goals.
• Seeing the true gifts and being grateful for what the other person has given you.
• Accepting all of the above as a celebration of another person you have the honour and privilege to know.

What allowing is NOT:

• Selfish opinions about what another person should be doing for you.
• Attempting to step on the dreams of another because you don’t agree with them.
• Seeing only what you want from them rather than what you can give.
• Complaining or whining about how someone else behaves or acts.

The art of allowing travels hand in hand with maturity.  You see, there was a time when I failed to practice it myself, and I slip with my own children every once in a while because of my passionate desire to help them along in life.  But for the most part, it has been the greatest and most life changing action I have ever taken to improve my own personal and business relationships.

When to start?  Start now, this minute.  Think about the people you interact with every day and take that huge weight of disallowing off of your shoulders by letting them be who they are, let it go!  It will feel so good not to own someone else’s life and begin focusing on your own.  Is it easy?  No way and not for a minute, as my friend Zane Safrit says, “It is tough” Will it change your life?  Definitely!

Now, allow me to thank you for reading this far.

Patti Blackstaffe works with people and organizations to develop Happy Workplaces world-wide guiding them toward mastery and leadership through advising, coaching, speaking, and delivering training.

You can contact Patti at 1-855-968-5323 | contact her here | book her to speak

Leadership | Training | Speaking

I did not know Trey personally, only via our social media channels.  He was one of those individuals to whom people looked up to, a mentor who knew the right way to say things, how to get his point across without arrogance [...]]]> Sadness over the suicide of Trey Pennington on Sunday September 4, 2011.

I did not know Trey personally, only via our social media channels.  He was one of those individuals to whom people looked up to, a mentor who knew the right way to say things, how to get his point across without arrogance and who was very real and inspirational, and a successful consultant. This was who Trey was to me, but I did not really ‘know’ him, his personal life or his family and friends;  just the social media person who was down to earth, engaging, successful, well loved by many.  I did not truly know him, but today I feel a loss.

It struck me how much we can hardly know someone and yet their impact, their message and their inspiration can still contribute significantly to the lives of many.  My connection with Trey is via our twitter profiles, and I am left shocked and saddened by this loss of a man who was positive and committed to the success of others.

Based on what I have read and seen in my social media circles, Trey was well loved, he had many friends and I am among a large number of people who have been positively influenced by him. There were many times I would look at his profile or website and think of how much he embodied many of the business successes I would like to aspire to.  Now, I am simply left saddened for him, for his family and friends, and for the many people he has inspired and mentored as they seek their own ways of saying good-bye to Trey.

I know of a few people who have committed suicide, and it is always a shock, because these folks have all been bright, talented, beautiful, well-loved people with an incredible future in front of them.

Today I ponder some of my own thoughts and emotions from this tragedy…

Show kindness. Recognize that people around us may be struggling with something we are completely unaware of.  I implore you to please pay attention to the people around you, reach out, ask with great depth and sincerity how someone is, and be willing to really listen and be there for them.

Get help. If you are struggling and depressed, if you feel you cannot meet the expectations of the world around you or you feel you are letting down the people you love, please reach out.  To a friend, to a doctor, to a crisis line, to someone you feel safe with – tell them you are struggling, ask for help.  People want to help, especially when you feel you can no longer cope.  You are loved and there is a better answer.  Please give yourself the opportunity to release the pressure and confusion of depression by seeking help, not escape.

Those who appear most strong and together may need your support.  Depression is treatable.  Mental Health problems can happen to anyone, our children, our loved ones, our friends and even ourselves – the negative stigma of those suffering with depression must be lifted.  We lose far too many amazing people when depression takes over the brain and clouds one’s ability to cope with life.

Today I am inspired to look at my life differently, to see the beauty in the little things, to appreciate my loved ones.

My prayers and thoughts go out to the family, friends, colleagues and people both inspired and mentored by Trey.  He will be deeply missed.

Next Saturday, September 10, 2011 is World Suicide Prevention day. Here are some things you can do to create awareness.  Share information about depression openly with your friends and loved ones, post the phone numbers where people can get help and mostly, reach out!  Someone you know may be going through very tough personal issues of which they are burdened to the point of feeling they cannot cope or there is no reason to keep going. Reach out and listen, then direct them to help - here are some links you can use…

Canada

USA

More about Suicide Prevention

“Forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving a criminal of his crime. It has everything to do with relieving oneself of the burden of being a victim–letting go of the pain and transforming oneself from victim to survivor.”

~C.R. Strahan

image courtesy of Iwan Beijes, Netherlands

“Forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving a criminal of his crime. It has everything to do with relieving oneself of the burden of being a victim–letting go of the pain and transforming oneself from victim to survivor.”

~C.R. Strahan

Observation in life has presented two significant types of victims to me…

Thriving Souls and Serial Victims

There are victims of many horrible situations, natural disasters, accidents, abuse, crime and violence.  The difference between the two types above is what happens after an event that defines a person’s character and most likely their success in life.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe there are difficult moments for everyone, no matter whom you are.  Moments when it is important to release and when tears or grief are appropriate and justified.  Everyone has times of pain, shock, horror, grief and sadness.  It is when that shock, horror, grief or sadness turns into a life-long pattern of repetitive sympathy and blame that it becomes self destructive.

So what are the differences between a Thriving Soul and a Serial Victim?

Thriving Souls:

• Rebuild, reinvent, move forward, learn and grow such as a child abused who moves on to show the world what success really looks like
• Attend counseling long enough so that they find peace and resolve to let the event live in the past
• Forgive and understand others with strength and courage like the mother who forgives the killer of her own son
• Exhibit resilience and tenacity in creating their own life
• Turn the experience into positive actions forward
• Are accepting that life is a series of hits, misses and falls that accompany the beauty, growth and love life has to offer
• Know there are no ‘special happy folks’ who are without problems
• Know that moving forward is hard work
• Understand moving forward does not mean running away
• Take full responsibility for their own actions and success
• See events through the eyes and vantage points of others
• Accept life and choose to use their energy for productive purpose
• Learn from, support others and create proactive ways of helping solve issues as in the example of  the victim of a drunk driver whose mother also died as the result of a drunk driver and who now educates others on the impact
• Recognize and see beauty and love in almost every event
• Are creative masters of their own happiness using a positive approach to life

Serial Victims:

• Find everyday life events difficult to deal with
• Struggle with long-term relationships
• Appear to suffer when they don’t get their own way (and make others suffer with them)
• Relive the event in story form over and over with as many people as possible, bring their past into their present
• Blame everyone else for all or most of their problems,( nothing is ever their fault)
• Fly into tantrums or rage at neutral events which could easily be handled calmly
• Invent what the intentions of others are – in order to hang onto a victim mentality
• Seek sympathy or attention in an effort to get what they want
• Tread water in self pity
• Choose hatred or resentment in place of dealing with people or situations
• Frequently run away from jobs, relationships and situations calling it “moving on” but always bringing their victim story with them
• Live in a constant state of drama > blamed on others
• Need to be ‘saved’ repeatedly from situations they get themselves into
• See events only with their own interpretation refusing to hear or believe another viewpoint
• Lack empathy for the feelings of others and can be more emotionally abusive than their alleged abusers
• Believe people are out to get them, hurt them, cause them pain
• Live in anger when forced to live with the consequences of their actions rather than change their own behaviour
• Embellish events or mislead others with false facts or details
• Will have their own idea of what forgiveness looks like and want to hold you to it (I recently read this post… Forgiveness: 7 Things It’s NOT! A great list for reference)

It is the Thriving Soul who teaches us how to live life.  None of us are targets for miserable unless we choose to make it so and there is no happiness outside of the things we choose to be happy about ourselves.

Being a Thriving Soul is hard work

Being responsible for one’s own actions, (seeing events from the viewpoint of another, learning to grow and evolve and accept that life will be difficult) is not the easy path.  But if life were easy, we would probably not have the amazing progress we have in medicine, human understanding and comfortable living.  If not challenged, we would rarely reach or stretch or seek better, stronger or more beautiful solutions, we wouldn’t need to.

“You are responsible for your life. You can’t keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on.” ~Oprah Winfrey

I have made a choice to exclude serial victims from my life and learn from those Thriving Souls who know what love and life is all about.  It is my hope that I choose that positive approach, that I do the hard work of expending my energy toward taking responsibility for my actions and choices; owning and creating my life and owning it when things go wrong.

Do you know a Thriving Soul or a Serial Victim?

Patti Blackstaffe works with people and organizations to develop Happy Workplaces world-wide guiding them toward mastery and leadership through advising, coaching, speaking, and delivering training.

You can contact Patti at 403-201-8512 | email her at info@strategicsense.ca  | visit her speaking page at http://pattiblackstaffe.com

photo courtesy of Felix atsoram, Argentina

Desperate employees are the easiest to retain within ‘miserable to work for’ companies when times are tough and jobs are hard to find.  Even better for that miserable company is the reasoning [...]]]> The economy may not be in a hurry to recover, but some employees might be.

photo courtesy of Felix atsoram, Argentina

Desperate employees are the easiest to retain within ‘miserable to work for’ companies when times are tough and jobs are hard to find.  Even better for that miserable company is the reasoning that the poor economic environment requires everyone to ‘buck up’ and ‘give one for the Team’.

It’s a great run for short-sighted organizations who fail to see the lack of business sense and poor strategy behind the ‘right now’ chaos where the horse is often chasing the cart down the hill. That strategy won’t take your company where it needs to be when the market improves.

When jobs are easier to find, unhappy employees will make a fast exodus out the door straight to a happier workplace and they take all that valuable knowledge with them.

Being aware of poor morale and unhappy employees isn’t enough – companies need to take action to make positive changes.

The solution most often preferred by the folks in charge is to make a shuffle and rearrange management.

Just remember, a bag of marbles is the same bag of marbles no matter how you arrange it. Unhappy employees are a symptom of the real cause.

I leave you with seven thoughts on leading toward building a happier workplace:

• To solve your problem it will take great courage in targeting the cause, not the symptom.
• Change requires you take a good honest look at your entire organization in the mirror – top to bottom – with a fresh eye.
• You must be willing to take some of the heat in order to make the right changes.
• Accountability, responsibility, transparency and clear strategy are going to be vital with any change.
• You must be willing to roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty.
• You will hear a lot of things you don’t want to hear, listen to them.
• Trust the employees to want to make it better.

These are just a few – but the courageous leader who cares about their company is going to make some hard calls and is going to be unpopular for them.  I have never tried to convince someone that doing the right thing is easy, but it is worth it.

Good luck, Make It Grand!

Patti Blackstaffe, President of Strategic Sense Inc, is a Speaker, Strategic Advisor and Trainer in Leadership, Customer Service and Cultural integration through Mergers and Acquisition.You can book her to speak at her personal page.

Need Strategic Sense for your business? – hire us for Leadership Development of individuals, teams, group training and company strategy. Read what folks have to say about her eBook Leadership XXL: 11 Practical Steps to Living Leadership Extra, Extra Large.

Happy Workplaces Succeed, take the path to get there, and call us. (403) 201-8512

When my brothers and I were kids, we loved hitting the playground so we could play on the teeter-totter.  We all knew that in order to balance and not have one of us sitting on the ground while the lighter one was held captive in the air, [...]]]>

photo courtesy of Kostya Kisleyko, Russia

When my brothers and I were kids, we loved hitting the playground so we could play on the teeter-totter.  We all knew that in order to balance and not have one of us sitting on the ground while the lighter one was held captive in the air, we needed to adjust where we sat.

No one could do it for us.

So why would we grow up and imagine that someone else is going to step in and adjust where we sit?  That’s right, I am talking about being in charge of your own work/life balance.  While you are doing your job…

…use these suggestions for adding balance to your life:

1.       No time to exercise?

Wake up an hour earlier

2.       Needing to eat a healthy diet?

Shop accordingly and try making your lunch

3.       Working too much overtime?

Ask your boss to prioritize most important items and THEN  leave the office at a decent hour.

4.       Always putting out fires?

Gain clarity on what the true emergencies are and reschedule the other items to be dealt with calmly.

The list goes on.  When I make suggestions like these to my clients, at first they protest and argue that one or more of these is not possible, often providing excuses for why none of the recommendations will work.

Until they try them

Take your vacations – unplugged.  Go home to your families.  Do something fun with your significant other.  Go away on the weekend.  Join a sports team and commit to them.

As soon as my clients begin applying the recommendations for setting their own boundaries, adjusting their lives to HAVE a life, and paying attention to their families and health they come back and thank me.

Remarkably – most others at work barely notice and the ones who notice respect how much better my client looks and deals with their job.

Patti Blackstaffe, President of Strategic Sense Inc, is a Speaker, Strategic Advisor and Trainer in Leadership, Customer Service and Cultural integration through Mergers and Acquisition.You can book her to speak at her personal page.

Need Strategic Sense for your business? – hire us for Leadership Development of individuals, teams, group training and company strategy. Read what folks have to say about her eBook Leadership XXL: 11 Practical Steps to Living Leadership Extra, Extra Large.

Happy Workplaces Succeed, take the path to get there, and call us. (403) 201-8512

No really, give it a rest – whatever “it” is that might have you preoccupied or obsessing, thus taking you away from positive action and relationships.

caret initio et fine (It lacks a beginning and an end)

1.       Combine physical and mental action together to [...]]]>

Photo Courtesy of Alex Bruda, Romania

No really, give it a rest – whatever “it” is that might have you preoccupied or obsessing, thus taking you away from positive action and relationships.

caret initio et fine
(It lacks a beginning and an end)

1.       Combine physical and mental action together to remove your mind from “it”.

Such as horseback riding, running, swimming, working out, meditating – concentrate on your breathing.

2.       Make a concerted effort to remove “it” from all conversations.

Such as gossiping, sharing, creating imagined scenarios, or bringing “it” up.

3.       Stop reviewing, re-reading, snooping into or otherwise finding ways to look into “it”

Such as visiting locations repeatedly, reading, viewing or re-hashing the event as those actions only serve to bring “it” into the present.

Whatever your “it” is, chances are the event itself is neutral and your reaction to “it” is emotional. Help yourself keep it neutral by choosing NOT to grow “it” out of proportion.

And that, my friends, is how to NOT make a mountain out of a mole hill.

Patti Blackstaffe, President of Strategic Sense Inc, is a Speaker, Strategic Advisor and Trainer in Leadership, Customer Service and Cultural integration through Mergers and Acquisition.You can book her to speak at her personal page.

Need Strategic Sense for your business? – hire us for Leadership Development of individuals, teams, group training and company strategy. Read what folks have to say about her eBook Leadership XXL: 11 Practical Steps to Living Leadership Extra, Extra Large.

Happy Workplaces Succeed, take the path to get there, and call us. (403) 201-8512

Anything that changes your values changes your behavior. ~George A. Sheehan

image courtesy of Billy Alexander

Mixed messages are prevalent in many companies.  Companies who are truly innovative and [...]]]> Happy April Fools day!
Today’s post is no joke, values are an important part of building a strong Corporate Culture.

Anything that changes your values changes your behavior. ~George A. Sheehan

image courtesy of Billy Alexander

Mixed messages are prevalent in many companies.  Companies who are truly innovative and collaborative address these conflicting statements and work with the entire employee population to develop a set of values and guidelines for the company.  With a set of clearly articulated values and guidelines, all actions in regard to company direction, decisions and risks can be based by following that clear set of values or in other words; “Walking the talk of who we say we are as a company.”

Companies without a clear set of values are taking a scary risk.

Companies who do not follow a clear set of values risk paying lip-service to those values.  Taking action and setting direction with tunnel vision, continuing to send conflicting messages about what they say and do only mixes up employees tying to take action.  Employees WANT to do well for the company if they are given the opportunity.

Let me make myself clear – Values are not a list of things a company says they do on a website somewhere.  Values are a code of conduct for clients and employees alike, “This is how we behave here and we guarantee it”.

That means when a company identifies their values, they have to commit to those values at an executive and management level.  Commitment means backing those values up with actions and support at every level, and yes, even the executive must live up to those values.

Mixed messages come in many forms, and a lot of companies are not even aware they’re doing it!

Here are some examples of mixed messages:

• We are building an innovative organization

o   We have a strong risk aversion process to avoid any and all risk

• We want efficient and high performing employees

o   We do performance review based solely on profit margins and net income

• We want our employees to have passion for what they do

o   Our employees must seek approval for every decision they make

• Our employees are our greatest resource

o   We do our strategy sessions without any input from our middle management down

• We offer our guests/clients the greatest experience possible

o   Cut back on every single ‘extra’ and reduce your budget by 5-10% per year

What does committing to a set of values involve?

• It involves hiring and firing based on those values.
• It involves identifying unacceptable behaviours and creating consequences for them
• It involves ensuring the HR department is aware of the regulations regarding certain behaviours (such as violence and bullying)
• It involves performance reviews based on those values
• It involves repeated conversations around how to best meet those values at every level
• It involves inclusion and transparency to ensure everyone is aware of whether the values are being met

Employees are smart people, mixed messages from a company only leads to anger, frustration and a culture of mistrust.

Keep issuing statements about “who you are” without the follow-through in behaviour management – and your values are simply lip-service.  It doesn’t stop there, however, your customers will recognize you don’t walk your talk in an instant and you have just chosen the most difficult model for doing business that exists today.

Patti is a speaker, strategic advisor and trainer in Leadership, Customer Service and Cultural integration through Mergers and Acquisition. You can book her to speak at her personal page. Need Strategic Sense for your business? – hire us for Leadership Development of individuals, teams, group training and company strategy. Happy Workplaces Succeed, take the path to get there. (403) 201-8512

I hear it time and time again;

“We want to find employees who really care about our business, who are passionate about our customers and who will fight to do what’s right.”

They are employers who lament over how hard it is to get [...]]]>

photo courtesy of Laura Leavell, Florida

I hear it time and time again;

“We want to find employees who really care about our business, who are passionate about our customers and who will fight to do what’s right.”

They are employers who lament over how hard it is to get ‘good help’ or who again and again repeat phrases like, “employees aren’t what they used to be” or “this new generation just doesn’t care.”

I call their bluff and I up the ante.

A recent article in our local paper caught my eye last week about an employee who IS passionate, who is fighting for his customers and who is trying to do what’s right.  His name is Dr. Lloyd Maybaum, a psychiatrist in Calgary who truly wants to make a difference for his patients.  This man is not only concerned about his own patients, according to the article, but he is concerned about all patients in his field of practice.  He has tried to care about them using his voice, his friends and his heart, begging to have a mental health unit built as planned for the South Campus.

His reward according to this article is… a letter stating;

“I am forced to make a clear statement that further communications of this nature without discussion and review with members of the Executive of Mental Health and Addictions will require . . . (asking) the Executive to formally review your role as physician leader for psychiatry to the South Campus project.”

So, for asking other doctors to lobby and help his cause, he is slapped on the hand and told to keep quiet.  I bring this article to attention because of the leadership priority involved in the situation.

What can we learn from such a disastrous treatment of a well-meaning employee?

• The leadership in this case is obviously the priority – not health care, not the patients, not the cause, but what is important is the decision of the leadership.
  
• The direction cannot be challenged.
• The right thing to do is defined by the leadership and anyone who disagrees might just as well keep their mouths shut or be threatened.

Sadly, he is not alone in this kind of behaviour by an executive or management group – we see it all the time within organizations who are unwilling to admit their culture is more about covering their rear-ends than caring about the customer or the actual role the company plays in business.

Managers who squash information, hide facts, deflect responsibility, and punish employees for caring about the customer will at worst bury the company and at best, leave it scarred with members who are frustrated and angry.  Not exactly what one looks for when seeking a positive, collaborative and innovative culture.

We need passionate employees who care about how we deliver our services, people who see it from a customer relationship side, people who understand the service or product as it is being used, how it is being serviced and what kind of experience we provide.  They are the voices we NEED to hear, the voices who challenge us to, as Rebel Brown puts it, Defy Gravity and reach success.  We need to celebrate folks who are brave enough to help us understand where we are falling down, not punish them because their voice might make us appear like we don’t know what we are doing.

Do you have an example of a leadership who steps in and tries to quell the voice of reason?

Patti is a speaker, strategic advisor and trainer in Leadership, Customer Service and Cultural integration through Mergers and Acquisition. You can book her to speak at her personal page. Need Strategic Sense for your business? – hire us for Leadership Development of individuals, teams, group training and company strategy. Happy Workplaces Succeed, take the path to get there. (403) 201-8512